It´s a sunny day!
Breakfast on the balcony, sun and lunch on Camden market.
Today I´m gonna pretend all is good again.
Tomorrow I can go back to crying...
And my hair is finally starting to go from yellow to blonde!
So beautiful...
I´m not dead.
It´s just that it´s so much going on around me right now (and inside my head) that i don´t have the patience or strenght to really write.
I´ll try to give you a short recap tho...
Right now I´m in London, in mine, Ns, Bs and Vs apartment in Mornington Cresent.
Sounds lovely, right? Well, it could be, and it is at times but N is leaving next week and then I´m gonna move, mostly cause it would be too expensive to stay alone, but also cause it would be weird staying here without her.
We´ve been here since end of november and it´s been a rollercoaster all the way through... Squat, jobsearch, indian hotell, Northolt, Roadhouse, people, money, money and more money!
Everything here is sooo expensive it´s crazy!
Anyhow, that´s how it is now.
I´m looking for a three bed apartment to share with three co-workers after N leaves, so if anyone has anything; GIVE ME A CALL!
One of the other reasons that I feel like everything is up-side-down is that I don´t really know what I want.
With everything.
There´s soo many places I wanna go, so many things I wanna do, and at the same time I don´t wanna do anything...
So, I´m gonna go home to dads next week, have a chat with him and M and try to come up with a plan for at least 6 months. A plan that works and that I HAVE to stick too.
Lets hope it´ll work cause otherwise I don´t know what to do with myself...
I´m also gonna fetch my things from K in J next week. Hopefully I won´t meet him, but I guess there´s no garanties... I just don´t feel I have the strenght for it...
Anyway, now I´m gonna try to do some singing since I have an audition on saturday...
It´s too late...
So I give you this instead... Boring but... Something... :)
Something that made you happy yesterday; That I finally have the right number to P.
What did you do 8 o´clock this morning?: I spent time in my bed.
What did you do 15 minutes ago?: Read a friends blog.
The last thing you said out loud?: Gonatt!
What have you had to drink today? A smootie, coffee, coke and water.
What was the last thing you ate? A winegum!
What was the last thing you bought? Cream cheese, Swedish meat balls and Maltesers.
What´s the colour of your front door? Dark red
What´s the weather like? Rainy and dark.
Best ice cream flavour? Winegum!
Do you belive in love at first sight? I belive in attraction.
Do you dream a lot? Yes, and of the strangest things...
Nightmares? Kind of... some times... but it´s not like I wake up sweating...
The first thing you think about on a "good" morning? I don´t think, I just feel content and awake.
The first thing you think about on a "bad" morning? Snooooooooze!
What was your favourit subject in school? I acctually liked everything in its on way...
Do you like school? I´ve graduated but yes, I liked it very much.
Favourite outfit?: Anything that I feel comfy in. Like tights, boats, a big shirt and a scarf. That´s sooo me...
Favourite song right now?: Fairytale - Sara Bareilles and Dansa på min grav - Bo Caspers Orkester.
What do you see if you look to the right?: My own reflection in the window.
What makes you happy right now?: My dads sms:s.
What are you up to next?: Going to sleep I think...
Right or left handed?: Depends on what I´m doing...
Favourite candy?: Dried fruit I think...
What are you wearing right now?: An oversized cardigan, a tank top and baggy sports trousers.
Plans for the summer?: To be happy.
How many pillows?: 1
There were some more questions but I give up now... SOON! That´s all I can really say....
It´s been quiet...
Any day now I´ll tell you all about it...
All I can say right now is; It´s like a circus!
From me - through Lars - to you...
I was trying to get my mp4 to work as I wanted it too and accidently managed to play my Lars Winnerbäck folder and everything around me just ceased to matter...
All I can say is LYRICS LYRICS LYRICS.
And I´m such a lyrics-geek, it´s like heaven! :)
Also they remind me of so much... Times spent, friends, lovers and places...
Sometimes he gives words to what I can´t or just manage to put the right ones together perfectly...
So what I´m gonna do now is dedicate lyrics, that I wish I´d written, to people who means a lot to me...
And this is probably gonna be the only time I´ll put down their full names here as well, the only reason for that is that I don´t want you to misstake this and think that it´s for someone else. And if you don´t understand, give me a buzz and I´ll try to explain...
Here we go:
Hon sa:
"Jag säger vad jag vill,
Skit samma om nån skräms
Om det blir pinsamt för en del,
Så är det ändå dom som skäms
Jag har gjort fel ibland, jag vet,
Men ingen mening att ge opp
Jag tror det bor en liten hjälte
I varenda liten flopp
Och jag vill hellre bli en sån,
Så har jag lärt mig det igen
För det finns nåt bra och stort
I alla om och alla men"
Varje stund, var minut, var sekund
Samma konstiga beslut
Det blir fel, slår bakut, allt går snett
Men det tar aldrig riktigt slut
Albin;
Det är lätt att tänka bakåt
När förvirringen tar fart
Och när jag känner så
Då tänker jag på dig
Allt är så förgängligt
Allting kan briserna snart
Men du är oförstörd för mig
Du är oförstörd för migKristin:
Vi hade allt, och friheten var ännu inte stulen
Vi hade skogarna i söder, drömmarna i väster
Och sandade vägar under hjulen
Och vi visste ingenting om verkligheten,
Ja vi sökte i det stora efter svar
Så många illusioner som har rasat och så långa vägar kvar
Du har vunnit och förlorat, du har sett dig själv i spegeln
Du har vaknat i fel säng, du har vart kär
Och framtiden väntade som en farlig gåta
Man har bråttom dit, sen är man där
Förre:
Jag känner en som sett mer än dom flesta
En som aldrig sett vad han har här
Han säger att han vart i helvetet och vänt
Jag tror en del av honom blev kvar där
Nu står han utanför världen
Genomskådad och bitter
Han går dom tomma stegen
Under fåglarnas glada kvitter
Nicole:
Du blommar upp av ingens frö
I värme varm som slask och snö
Du torkar tår av ingens tröst
Och lyssnar tyst till ingens röst
Du har rock'n'roll i dina bröst
Du har blues i dina lår
Du har visor i ditt hår
Och poesi i dina sårPatrik:
Jag skulle gärna hjälpa dig upp
Och kunna lysa upp den väg du springer
Om jag kunde vagga dig varm och lugn
Jag hör nog samma röst
Och bor i samma land
Med samma klockor som ringer
Du går inte ensam genom dunkla rum
Cicci:
Hon kommer från ställen där de starkaste spjärn bara slinter
Hon vandrar längs krokiga vägar hon själv trampat opp
Hon är orörd av lagar och regler av sommar och vinter
Hon ler emot dig just innan solen går upp
Dan:
De sista drömmarna
Sträcker sig mot himlen över torgen
Här går var och en för sig
Om vi förlorar varandra här i vimlet
Så minns att jag står bakom digEmelie:
Sånt är livet nu!
Förlåt om jag är bitter å synisk
Men du vet hur det kan va!
Jag vill ha det som du,
Fast jag vet att du tänker likadant ibland
Och vill ha det som jag
Ja, det var inte bättre förr,
Men det ska bli bättre framöver
Å nånstans har man iallafall kommit
Om man vet vad man behöver!
Å jag försöker å hålla mig vid ytan allt jag kan,
Fast topparna är högre nu å dalarna är djupare sen elden försvann,
Som du vet?Carl-Fredrik:
Så försvann vi in i Bortomland i kramduell
Inga heta begär, ingen kärleksaffär
Sånt blir så pinsamt i morgonljus
Men tack för en paus,
För ett underbart rus i en värld så vulgär och burdus
Tack för tystnad i betongens tunnelbanebrusMarika:
Men ibland så är jag fast.
Kan Du känna likadant?
Att allt man gör är bara plast
Och faktiskt föga intressant.
Och ibland är allting kaos,
Och jag blir mörkrädd mitt på dan.
Ibland behöver jag en paus
Och är Du hyfsat likadan
Kan vi gå vilse genom stanMackan:
Som en skuta utan segel
En skönhet utan spegel ja,
Som en hemlös irrar du omkring
Som en gamling i det nya
Som en fånge i det fria vågar
Du inte vänta dig nå'nting
Men det finns en tid när säden måste mogna
Det finns en tid när gräset måste gro
Och när din säd har mognat färdigt
Och ditt gräs har blivit grönt
Så kom hem till mig så gör vi nå't ihop
Ja kom hem till mig så gör vi nå't ihopTim:
Du har så underbara ord
Du kan le så att jag smälter
Du kan ge så jag tar åt mig
Jag skulle gärna ha ditt mod
Jag skulle gärna ha din kärlek
Men jag vänder här,
Förlåt mig
Och om du saknar mig ibland
Så kan du släcka alla lampor
För jag finns nånstans i mörkretAlexandra:
När varje dag känns likadan
Och när det skymmer över stan
Och när du drömmer
Kom ihåg mig då
När du har varit i alla vrår
Och du har testat allt som går
Och när du tröttnat
Kom ihåg mig dåKlas:
Jag fattar ingenting
Och jag ser bara tecken
Bilder säger stanna bilder säger gå
Vi pratar inte mera
Eller gifter oss till hösten
Saker förändras när tiden går
Vitamins are good for you!
Been taking some vitamin pills to get more energy, and it works!
Today has been an IRL day and no time for writing really...
Played in the snow and smiled.
Now it´s time for bed and music, mañana cooking!
We´ll see how that goes...
Marry me Peter!
Other than that the surfing is looking promising and now I just have to fit my things in my bag... Not as easy as it sounds...
Shame on me!
I´ve just not been in the mood... For anything frankly...
I bought loads of new books, sat down on my new favourit café and read, read, read. Had to many coffees, switched to hot chocholate, watched the snow fall, danced in the snow, had more chocholate and read some more...
And I rediscovered "julmust" and gingerbread cookies!
Right now I´m trying to pick myself up again... We´ll see how it goes...
Anyhow, N challenged me to write seven truths about myself and I´ll have a go...
I tend to judge by apperence.
First impressions are very important to me, and even thou I quite easily change my mind about people I always tend to cast my judgment on the first apperence.
Truth 2
I love control.
To make plans, schedules, presentations etc etc. I don´t always follow them, but I love the process.
Truth 3
I scared to death that people won´t like me.
I can´t be anything but myself, but even thou I know that, I dread not being liked by others.
Truth 4
I love attention. And I need it.
I need it to function and to push myself. A pat on the shoulder is like elixir for me.
Truth 5
I need my family.
No matter how much I run away and live my own life, I need them to be there when I get home and everything to be like it´s always been. I love them.
Truth 6
I don´t have dreams.
I have goals. Dreams are unreachable, goals are there to conquer.
Truth 7
I found this very hard and think I am quite a private person.
Being able to present 7 truths about myself was really a challenge!
Now I´m gonna pay it forward to;
The nails make the girl...
Had my nails done today and now I´m a new person!
Totally fab day, even thou it started way to early...
Had a fantastic coffee, danced in the rain, picked up my suitecase, had a really nice dinner and now it´s time for some wine!
Mommy-Ida is FAR away!
Spent a whole day in Stockholm with my four year old sister and even thou it was nice to spend time with her it was soo tiering!
Where does kids get their energy!?
So the shopping I had in mind didn´t really turn out the way I planned.
Toy stores over took clothes stores so to speak...
We met up with M and sweet anyway and had a nice "fika".
Am I really bitter?
And the most alarming thing is that I´m not even bothered with the thought...
In my head bitter people are the ones that care and care too much thou, and that´s not me at all... I wish I did care, but I don´t!
Confusing I must admit...
Today I woke up with my little sister curled up by my side. Annoying since she took the whole blanket, but also one ot the things I´ll really miss when I´m gone.
Tomorrow I´m gonna see M and hopefully do some shopping... that is if I´m in the mood... Guess we´ll see, but I´m keeping my hopes high!
On friday I finally got an appointment to fix my nails and that´s like therapy for me! Lovely!
Other then that; WHERE ARE YOU LITTLE BROTHER!?
I can´t get this text in the right color and I need help! Please!
WHY!?
BUT IT DOESN`T WORK!
Gaaah!
About me;
- Height: 1,64 m
- Right-handed or left-handed: Right
- Do you have long legs: Long enough
- My perfect pizza: One without grease
- Favorite cartoon as a child: My little pony
- Favorite food dish: Stekt fläsk med löksås/ Fried pork with onion gravy
- My best friend(s): A, N, P and P
- My favorite singer: Dolly Parton
- My favorite season: Summer
- Favorite drink: Ice tea
- Favorite ice cream flavor: Rasberrysorbé
- Favorite item that you currently own: My camera
- Favorite outfit: My black dress, brown boots and a nice scarf
- Shoes you wore today: My flowery converse and my brown boots
- In the past month have you gone on a date: I guess...
- In the past month have you been on stage: Yes
- Pepsi or Coke: Coke
- McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds
- Silver or Gold: Silver
- Heads or tails: Heads
- Kisses or hugs: Both
- My weakness: Love
- My fears: Love and the monsters under my bed
- Ever been called a tease: Too many times
- When I'm sad or down, I... cry and hide
- Define yourself in 3 words... Stubborn, Impulsive and Neat
- Are you a very emotional person: Oh yes
- Do you sing: Yes
- What you want to be when you grow up: A happy person
- Thoughts first waking up: Wait a minute
- Do you think you're attractive: I have my days
- Do you like thunderstorms: Yes
- When you were little, you used to... know everything
- My parents are... still alive
- Do you have pets: Dustrats?
- One time I got drunk and... I still remember
- I am addicted to... love
- What would you do with a million dollars: Spend them
- What makes you laugh: Sarcasm
- Most embarrassing moment: I don´t really get embarrased
And we all sing;
People are like songs, it's true
Some seem dull at first, but then they grow on you
Me, I'm like Can't get you out of my head
Annoying at times, but I make you want to dance
But you are the only one I've met who's God only knows
I liked you the first time I met you, and it grows, and grows, and grows.