It´s a sunny day!

Breakfast on the balcony, sun and lunch on Camden market.
Today I´m gonna pretend all is good again.
Tomorrow I can go back to crying...

And my hair is finally starting to go from yellow to blonde!


So beautiful...


I´m not dead.

No, not yet anyway.
It´s just that it´s so much going on around me right now (and inside my head) that i don´t have the patience or strenght to really write.

I´ll try to give you a short recap tho...

Right now I´m in London, in mine, Ns, Bs and Vs apartment in Mornington Cresent.
Sounds lovely, right? Well, it could be, and it is at times but N is leaving next week and then I´m gonna move, mostly cause it would be too expensive to stay alone, but also cause it would be weird staying here without her.

We´ve been here since end of november and it´s been a rollercoaster all the way through... Squat, jobsearch, indian hotell, Northolt, Roadhouse, people, money, money and more money!

Everything here is sooo expensive it´s crazy!

Anyhow, that´s how it is now.
I´m looking for a three bed apartment to share with three co-workers after N leaves, so if anyone has anything; GIVE ME A CALL!

One of the other reasons that I feel like everything is up-side-down is that I don´t really know what I want.
With everything.

There´s soo many places I wanna go, so many things I wanna do, and at the same time I don´t wanna do anything...
So, I´m gonna go home to dads next week, have a chat with him and M and try to come up with a plan for at least 6 months. A plan that works and that I HAVE to stick too.
Lets hope it´ll work cause otherwise I don´t know what to do with myself...

I´m also gonna fetch my things from K in J next week. Hopefully I won´t meet him, but I guess there´s no garanties... I just don´t feel I have the strenght for it...

Anyway, now I´m gonna try to do some singing since I have an audition on saturday...

It´s too late...

I was planning on writing a long sumary of what has happend and all... But it´s a quater past three in the morning and I just can´t be bothered...
So I give you this instead... Boring but... Something... :)

Something that made you happy yesterday; That I finally have the right number to P.
What did you do 8 o´clock this morning?: I spent time in my bed.
What did you do 15 minutes ago?: Read a friends blog.
The last thing you said out loud?: Gonatt!
What have you had to drink today? A smootie, coffee, coke and water.
What was the last thing you ate? A winegum!
What was the last thing you bought? Cream cheese, Swedish meat balls and Maltesers.
What´s the colour of your front door? Dark red
What´s the weather like? Rainy and dark.
Best ice cream flavour? Winegum!
Do you belive in love at first sight? I belive in attraction.
Do you dream a lot? Yes, and of the strangest things...
Nightmares? Kind of... some times... but it´s not like I wake up sweating...
The first thing you think about on a "good" morning? I don´t think, I just feel content and awake.
The first thing you think about on a "bad" morning? Snooooooooze!
What was your favourit subject in school? I acctually liked everything in its on way...
Do you like school? I´ve graduated but yes, I liked it very much.
Favourite outfit?: Anything that I feel comfy in. Like tights, boats, a big shirt and a scarf. That´s sooo me...
Favourite song right now?: Fairytale - Sara Bareilles and Dansa på min grav - Bo Caspers Orkester.
What do you see if you look to the right?: My own reflection in the window.
What makes you happy right now?: My dads sms:s.
What are you up to next?: Going to sleep I think...
Right or left handed?: Depends on what I´m doing...
Favourite candy?: Dried fruit I think...
What are you wearing right now?: An oversized cardigan, a tank top and baggy sports trousers.
Plans for the summer?: To be happy.
How many pillows?: 1

There were some more questions but I give up now... SOON! That´s all I can really say....

It´s been quiet...

Cause I´m trying to find my way in a new world.
Any day now I´ll tell you all about it...
All I can say right now is; It´s like a circus!

From me - through Lars - to you...

I was trying to get my mp4 to work as I wanted it too and accidently managed to play my Lars Winnerbäck folder and everything around me just ceased to matter...
All I can say is LYRICS LYRICS LYRICS.
And I´m such a lyrics-geek, it´s like heaven! :)
Also they remind me of so much... Times spent, friends, lovers and places...
Sometimes he gives words to what I can´t or just manage to put the right ones together perfectly...
So what I´m gonna do now is dedicate lyrics, that I wish I´d written, to people who means a lot to me...
And this is probably gonna be the only time I´ll put down their full names here as well, the only reason for that is that I don´t want you to misstake this and think that it´s for someone else. And if you don´t understand, give me a buzz and I´ll try to explain...
Here we go:


Pernilla:

Hon sa:

"Jag säger vad jag vill,

Skit samma om nån skräms

Om det blir pinsamt för en del,

Så är det ändå dom som skäms

Jag har gjort fel ibland, jag vet,

Men ingen mening att ge opp

Jag tror det bor en liten hjälte

I varenda liten flopp

Och jag vill hellre bli en sån,

Så har jag lärt mig det igen

För det finns nåt bra och stort 
I alla om och alla men"

Varje stund, var minut, var sekund

Samma konstiga beslut

Det blir fel, slår bakut, allt går snett

Men det tar aldrig riktigt slut


Albin;

Det är lätt att tänka bakåt

När förvirringen tar fart

Och när jag känner så

Då tänker jag på dig

Allt är så förgängligt

Allting kan briserna snart

Men du är oförstörd för mig

Du är oförstörd för mig

Kristin:

Vi hade allt, och friheten var ännu inte stulen

Vi hade skogarna i söder, drömmarna i väster

Och sandade vägar under hjulen

Och vi visste ingenting om verkligheten,

Ja vi sökte i det stora efter svar

Så många illusioner som har rasat och så långa vägar kvar

Du har vunnit och förlorat, du har sett dig själv i spegeln

Du har vaknat i fel säng, du har vart kär

Och framtiden väntade som en farlig gåta

Man har bråttom dit, sen är man där


Förre:

Jag känner en som sett mer än dom flesta

En som aldrig sett vad han har här

Han säger att han vart i helvetet och vänt

Jag tror en del av honom blev kvar där

Nu står han utanför världen

Genomskådad och bitter

Han går dom tomma stegen

Under fåglarnas glada kvitter


Nicole:

Du blommar upp av ingens frö

I värme varm som slask och snö

Du torkar tår av ingens tröst

Och lyssnar tyst till ingens röst

Du har rock'n'roll i dina bröst

Du har blues i dina lår

Du har visor i ditt hår

Och poesi i dina sår

Patrik:

Jag skulle gärna hjälpa dig upp

Och kunna lysa upp den väg du springer

Om jag kunde vagga dig varm och lugn

Jag hör nog samma röst

Och bor i samma land

Med samma klockor som ringer

Du går inte ensam genom dunkla rum


Cicci:

Hon kommer från ställen där de starkaste spjärn bara slinter

Hon vandrar längs krokiga vägar hon själv trampat opp

Hon är orörd av lagar och regler av sommar och vinter

Hon ler emot dig just innan solen går upp


Dan:

De sista drömmarna

Sträcker sig mot himlen över torgen

Här går var och en för sig

Om vi förlorar varandra här i vimlet

Så minns att jag står bakom dig

Emelie:

Sånt är livet nu!

Förlåt om jag är bitter å synisk

Men du vet hur det kan va!

Jag vill ha det som du,

Fast jag vet att du tänker likadant ibland

Och vill ha det som jag

Ja, det var inte bättre förr,

Men det ska bli bättre framöver

Å nånstans har man iallafall kommit

Om man vet vad man behöver!

Å jag försöker å hålla mig vid ytan allt jag kan,

Fast topparna är högre nu å dalarna är djupare sen elden försvann,

Som du vet?

Carl-Fredrik:

Så försvann vi in i Bortomland i kramduell

Inga heta begär, ingen kärleksaffär

Sånt blir så pinsamt i morgonljus

Men tack för en paus,

För ett underbart rus i en värld så vulgär och burdus

Tack för tystnad i betongens tunnelbanebrus

Marika:

Men ibland så är jag fast.

Kan Du känna likadant?

Att allt man gör är bara plast

Och faktiskt föga intressant.

Och ibland är allting kaos,

Och jag blir mörkrädd mitt på dan.

Ibland behöver jag en paus

Och är Du hyfsat likadan

Kan vi gå vilse genom stan

Mackan:

Som en skuta utan segel

En skönhet utan spegel ja,

Som en hemlös irrar du omkring

Som en gamling i det nya

Som en fånge i det fria vågar

Du inte vänta dig nå'nting

Men det finns en tid när säden måste mogna

Det finns en tid när gräset måste gro

Och när din säd har mognat färdigt

Och ditt gräs har blivit grönt

Så kom hem till mig så gör vi nå't ihop

Ja kom hem till mig så gör vi nå't ihop

Tim:

Du har så underbara ord

Du kan le så att jag smälter

Du kan ge så jag tar åt mig

Jag skulle gärna ha ditt mod

Jag skulle gärna ha din kärlek

Men jag vänder här,

Förlåt mig

Och om du saknar mig ibland

Så kan du släcka alla lampor

För jag finns nånstans i mörkret

Alexandra:

När varje dag känns likadan

Och när det skymmer över stan

Och när du drömmer

Kom ihåg mig då

När du har varit i alla vrår

Och du har testat allt som går

Och när du tröttnat

Kom ihåg mig då

Klas:

Jag fattar ingenting
Och jag ser bara tecken

Bilder säger stanna bilder säger gå

Vi pratar inte mera
Eller gifter oss till hösten

Saker förändras när tiden går


Vitamins are good for you!

Been taking some vitamin pills to get more energy, and it works!

Today has been an IRL day and no time for writing really...

Played in the snow and smiled.

Now it´s time for bed and music, mañana cooking!
We´ll see how that goes...


Marry me Peter!

Ohh yes... I fell again... Listen to some old tracks and all I can say is; STOP BEING GAY AND MARRY ME!

Other than that the surfing is looking promising and now I just have to fit my things in my bag... Not as easy as it sounds...

Shame on me!

Ok, I admit that I´ve been really bad at updating recently...
I´ve just not been in the mood... For anything frankly...
I bought loads of new books, sat down on my new favourit café and read, read, read. Had to many coffees, switched to hot chocholate, watched the snow fall, danced in the snow, had more chocholate and read some more...
And I rediscovered "julmust" and gingerbread cookies!
Right now I´m trying to pick myself up again... We´ll see how it goes...

Anyhow, N challenged me to write seven truths about myself and I´ll have a go...

Truth 1
I tend to judge by apperence.
First impressions are very important to me, and even thou I quite easily change my mind about people I always tend to cast my judgment on the first apperence.

Truth 2
I love control.
To make plans, schedules, presentations etc etc. I don´t always follow them, but I love the process.

Truth 3
I scared to death that people won´t like me.
I can´t be anything but myself, but even thou I know that, I dread not being liked by others.

Truth 4
I love attention. And I need it.
I need it to function and to push myself. A pat on the shoulder is like elixir for me.

Truth 5
I need my family.
No matter how much I run away and live my own life, I need them to be there when I get home and everything to be like it´s always been. I love them.

Truth 6
I don´t have dreams.
I have goals. Dreams are unreachable, goals are there to conquer.

Truth 7
I found this very hard and think I am quite a private person.
Being able to present 7 truths about myself was really a challenge!


Now I´m gonna pay it forward to;
Emil
Andreas
Junior
and
Kusin Mattias

The nails make the girl...

Ohh yes!
Had my nails done today and now I´m a new person!
Totally fab day, even thou it started way to early...
Had a fantastic coffee, danced in the rain, picked up my suitecase, had a really nice dinner and now it´s time for some wine!

Mommy-Ida is FAR away!

I´m exhausted!
Spent a whole day in Stockholm with my four year old sister and even thou it was nice to spend time with her it was soo tiering!
Where does kids get their energy!?

So the shopping I had in mind didn´t really turn out the way I planned.
Toy stores over took clothes stores so to speak...

We met up with M and sweet anyway and had a nice "fika".


Am I really bitter?

Starting to think that I´m actually bitter... Always thought that I was a positive person in like stupid and hard situations, but to be honest; is it not just that I´m a bitter person?

And the most alarming thing is that I´m not even bothered with the thought...

In my head bitter people are the ones that care and care too much thou, and that´s not me at all... I wish I did care, but I don´t!
Confusing I must admit...

Today I woke up with my little sister curled up by my side. Annoying since she took the whole blanket, but also one ot the things I´ll really miss when I´m gone.

Tomorrow I´m gonna see M and hopefully do some shopping... that is if I´m in the mood... Guess we´ll see, but I´m keeping my hopes high!

On friday I finally got an appointment to fix my nails and that´s like therapy for me! Lovely!

Other then that; WHERE ARE YOU LITTLE BROTHER!?
I can´t get this text in the right color and I need help! Please!

WHY!?

It might be that I´m trying to hard with this, but I kind of wish that I understood...
BUT IT DOESN`T WORK!
Gaaah!

About me;

  • Height: 1,64 m
  • Right-handed or left-handed: Right
  • Do you have long legs: Long enough
  • My perfect pizza: One without grease
  • Favorite cartoon as a child: My little pony
  • Favorite food dish: Stekt fläsk med löksås/ Fried pork with onion gravy
  • My best friend(s): A, N, P and P
  • My favorite singer: Dolly Parton
  • My favorite season: Summer
  • Favorite drink: Ice tea
  • Favorite ice cream flavor: Rasberrysorbé
  • Favorite item that you currently own: My camera
  • Favorite outfit: My black dress, brown boots and a nice scarf
  • Shoes you wore today: My flowery converse and my brown boots
  • In the past month have you gone on a date: I guess...
  • In the past month have you been on stage: Yes
  • Pepsi or Coke: Coke
  • McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds
  • Silver or Gold: Silver
  • Heads or tails: Heads
  • Kisses or hugs: Both
  • My weakness: Love
  • My fears: Love and the monsters under my bed
  • Ever been called a tease: Too many times
  • When I'm sad or down, I... cry and hide
  • Define yourself in 3 words... Stubborn, Impulsive and Neat
  • Are you a very emotional person: Oh yes
  • Do you sing: Yes
  • What you want to be when you grow up: A happy person
  • Thoughts first waking up: Wait a minute
  • Do you think you're attractive: I have my days
  • Do you like thunderstorms: Yes
  • When you were little, you used to... know everything
  • My parents are... still alive
  • Do you have pets: Dustrats?
  • One time I got drunk and... I still remember
  • I am addicted to... love
  • What would you do with a million dollars: Spend them
  • What makes you laugh: Sarcasm
  • Most embarrassing moment: I don´t really get embarrased

And we all sing;

People are like songs, it's true
Some seem dull at first, but then they grow on you
Me, I'm like Can't get you out of my head
Annoying at times, but I make you want to dance
But you are the only one I've met who's God only knows
I liked you the first time I met you, and it grows, and grows, and grows.


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